how to survive new york (advice from someone who kind of gave up)

So here I am again. From the moment I saw all the fash black clothing on the airplane, I knew those chain-smokers were New York bound.

One of the hardest moments for me – besides screwing myself over and plagiarizing myself in college (long story) was when I decided to ‘move home.' This was rough for two reasons. One, the obvious stigma of moving within a 100 mile radius of anywhere that is familiar or comfortable and two, the obvious stigma of leaving New York after only a year.

I vow to return to New York – but only when I can live there with dignity. Unfortunately, that may take awhile. So here are some tips for people who actually live there and want to carry the torch of living shamelessly frugal lifestyle.

Note: All of the strategies below were employed by yours truly while living in New York.

1. Never get sucked into making life at all easy for yourself, because it’s addictive. This means do not *ever* take cabs. I don’t care if it’s pouring rain. I don’t care if you’re in a dangerous neighborhood. Just walk around in the dark with your expensive phone until you find that subway. Maybe I’m biased because I threw up in a cab once and have been too embarrassed to take one ever since. But it has saved me lots of money.

2. If you are going out drinking, just dump a out a bottle of vitamin water and mix some cranberry juice, pineapple juice and rum for a cheap bay breeze. Then cram it inside your purse. You just saved yourself five bucks!

3. Buy everything on Craigslist. Everything. And if you can’t find it on Craigslist, just don’t buy it. I may have had three giant windows that made my bedroom highly visible from the street, but I wasn’t about to buy curtains if I couldn’t find it on Craigslist. After awhile, you get used to the shameless exhibitionism.

4. If you lose the key to your apartment building and it costs more than $30 to replace, don’t replace it. Just wait outside until someone in your building walks in or out. If you get desperate, you can always ring your neighbors’ doorbells till someone lets you in.

5. Remember, sitting at home alone with the lights off is way less expensive than a night on the town – and saves electricity, too!

And finally….

6. Don’t make any classy, magnanimous gestures toward your friends on their birthdays. I mean, it happens every year. They can wait till you have a shred of dignity.