hear that?

It's the sound of 50,000 comedians scratching a thick dark line right through the center of their very best material.  

Translation: Michael Jackson has passed.

It's been a rough year for those in the funny business.  Jokes about the economy are a little too on the nose.  The president is downright delightful.  And now Michael Jackson has died in a way so tragic, so unexpected, that each of us feels kind of like an asshole. 

It is awful.  If Kurt Cobain was the last nail in the Generation X "I have nothing to live for" coffin, Michael Jackson was the out-of-control van that joyrid through the entire graveyard, running over flower bouquets and upending tombstones.  

The worst part is MTV's hollow, fake memorial.  I would rather hear nails on a chalkboard than listen to Corey Feldman, Celine Dion, and Sheryl "Queen of mediocre cover songs" Crow call in and give their personal take on Michael's passing.  Especially since we all know that the last time they used the term "Michael Jackson" they followed it with some overused late-night joke involving little boys and ice cream trucks.  

If any of them were as influenced by Michael Jackson as they claim to be, than he did the world a serious disservice.  Posers. All of them.

Here's some advice: if you want a real Michael Jackson memorial, don't watch MTV. Go to VHI. Why? Because VHI actually gives a shit.  MTV may have made Michael Jackson what he is, and vice-versa, but VHI is the only channel showing Michael Jackson footage that isn't heavily edited for the purpose of fitting in deep thoughts from the lead singer of Fallout Boy.  

I can't talk about this anymore.  Just go buy Thriller on iTunes, okay?