These accusations are completely untrue. Starting with the next post. Right now, however, there are pressing Sweet Valley-related issues which must be addressed. Oh, how I dream of saying those words at a PTA meeting. Someday, Eva. Someday your child will hate you.
Back to Sweet Valley. Now, as we all know from one of my many posts, the Twins haven't been updated in quite sometime. Their last big hurrah was Sweet Valley University, the internationally-renown institution of higher learning Elizabeth and Jessica both chose to attend. Why? Because if a school they went to didn't have the phrase "Sweet Valley" in it, they'd have to kill themselves.
Then there was "Sweet Valley High" the TV series, birthplace of the wonderful theme song, "Sweet Valley/Sweet Valley/ Hii-i-i-i-i--iigh..." I can't do it justice, but you get the idea.
Now, Sweet Valley is being taken on by none other than Diablo Cody. Say what? (Thank you for the tip, JoyofEm.)
It's not so crazy. The Twins have been the same age for 30 years. Ellen Page will be sassy 16-year-old Juno until the day she dies. Even Whip It is really just "sassy 16-year-old Juno learns to rollerskate."
I'm worried about the corruption Cody will wreak on So-Cal's sleepy little Brigadoon. The twins haven't gotten to second base in thirty years. Juno is "procuring" abortions on her hamburger phone. Juno says, "Phucket, Thailand!" The twins don't feel comfortable using the bathroom. Juno likes shit-kicking metal bands and horror flicks. The twins worship a teen idol named "Johnny Buck."
All I can say is, Juno is gonna make Elizabeth Wakefield wish she'd made an impression on Todd Wilkins sometime during the 30 years they've been 12. Juno is going to be more direct with him. And she's going to keep it.