Doubt.

So I went to Catholic school. Not this past weekend, thank god, but Doubt jogged my memory.

I didn't go to a life-sucking Vatican I-type place like St. Nicholas. But we did sing alot of the same hymns, such as "Ubi Caritas et Amor." I think the lyrics roughly translate to "Where charity and love are, there God is/The love of Christ has gathered us into one flock." I don't know. The kind of stuff that rolls off you when you're kind of Jewish and have vocabulary flashcards tucked behind your program.

Choir was its own mini church hierarchy. We had "Send Down the Fire" to commence a gathering, "Gather Us In" for Convocation ceremony, and "This Little Babe" when you wanted to turn the performance into a trainwreck. That, a majority music-illiterate population, and our black crushed velvet uniform was our claim to fame.

But I digress. Meryl Streep. As usual, the trump card they whip out just when you can no longer take the anticipation. This time she was the bonneted nun, skulking down the church aisles row by row, smacking Sunday school children back to attention. Streep plays the Sister Aloysius, Principle at St. Nicholas Parish in the Bronx, sports a braying Brooklyn toughness and even has her own catchphrase regarding unruly students: "You just send them up to me."

Like the Devil Wears Prada, Doubt featured one of those explosive Meryl Streep performances -- you know, one that is so good that the rest of the movie kind of sucks by comparison and the audience giggles appreciatively at all the wrong times.

But this time, Meryl was not co-starring with Anne Hathaway pretending to be ugly and that boring guy from Entourage. Doubt had some serious freaking chops. Amy Adams, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and Viola Davis (all of whom, along with Streep, are nominated for Academy Awards.)

In 2002, Marshall Sella wrote a fascinating article about the crafting of a film trailer. It was the first time it occurred to me that, beyond its physiological effects, ambiance was an art form, the result of sustained effort. Of Signs, Sella wrote

"In a Hollywood trailer, the tinkle of wind chimes signals the arrival of something eerie. So does a dog barking. . . .; A series of jump cuts establishes that Mel Gibson's family is facing grave danger (although what kind is unclear) [...] The trailer appears to climax with the glowing title screen, but then there's the obligatory final jolt: a glimpse of (possibly) alien leg."

In Doubt, ambiance is a disruptive force which runs opposite to church mores. It's a sin, and Sister Aloysius and the other nuns live in its bleak vacuum. They eat dinner in silence, punctuated by the sounds of chewing and the occasional clang of metal plates. In contrast, their male counterparts dine on bloody meats and eat their dinner to modern music, their meal lit with a pleasant dimness.

Try as the nuns might, they cannot deny the haptic, olfactory and aesthetic sensations. Ambiance cannot be transcribed as fact. But snatches here and there -- a glance, a slipped present, the smell of alcohol on a young student's breath -- can break through and converge as evidence.

Sister James is traumatized by these moments, as she is the harsh elements -- dry leaves and darkness and the wet cold, the watchful black crow perched on the top of the school building -- and the particular associations these provide for the young nun.

She didn't see anything. Can she trust the convergence of the elements? Is conviction rooted in fact or is it just an emotion?


Father Flynn is played marvelously by Phillip Seymour Hoffman. But I am continually amazed by Streep. She plays status so well. Amy Adams -- also awesome.

For the record, though, my favorite Amy Adams performance will always be the following:


Amy, you can win Golden Globes and Oscars, you can match Meryl intense tortured moment for intense tortured moment. But you will always be the "Hot Girl" from The Office, season 1.

mom of octuplets: seriously. is anyone really surprised?

Okay. So we all know about the record-breaking eight babies born in California in, like, five minutes. And like all of you, I witnessed the media tide turn from "80 fingers and 80 toes!" to "What is the matter with this woman?"

It took awhile for the day-long media gush-fest -- complete with hero doctors, tiny babies and an appropriately grateful mother -- to become a real situation. I remember reading this article about the mother's unadulterated love for her children, the way it should be.

The California woman who astonished doctors this week by giving birth to octuplets is "ecstatic" about having eight young mouths to feed....She described the new arrivals as "so tiny and so beautiful".

Then everyone suddenly found out some things about her that didn't quite fit the narrative. That this mother, like many mothers, was not married, lived with her parents, and had other children. And had declared bankruptcy (which mothers aren't allowed to do). I recently saw an instance of particularly heinous reporting by the Huffington Post. This article was not only unsubstantiated gossip, but it relied on one source....a disgruntled, anonymous neighbor, who revealed that

"the very pregnant young mom was THE hot topic of conversation at the neighborhood Christmas party. He says 'From what I heard she likes kids, she wants a jillion kids. She even lied to the doctors who impregnated her.'" (See my Spinspotter marker here.)

I think Friends put it best in the episode "The One with the Girl Who Hits Joey:"

Chandler: You want babies! You have baby fever!
Monica: I do not have baby fever.
Chandler: Oh please, you are obsessed with babies ... and marriage! ... and everything that's related to babies and, and marriage!

So what was formally pure and unadulterated maternal instincts became the story of sociopathic "baby fever." And apparently, all the media outlets fail to see a connection between the two -- and how motherhood is revered until it simply isn't.

It also reminded me of a segment I recently saw on CNN about "Reborns," which are extraordinarily lifelike baby dolls. The women who purchase them are written off as crazy (Today Show online followup: Dolls Comforting or Just Plain Creepy?). But here are some questions:
-Has any modern First Lady not had children?
-Did Michelle Obama's approval rating not rise to 46% after she declared herself "Mom-in-Chief" (the highest incoming approval rating for any First Lady in History)?
-What is the definition of wanting children too badly? What is the definition of not wanting them badly enough? Apparently, the first is pathetic and the second is morally degenerate.

I am confused about all this. And how to interpret Sarah Palin's PAC. But mostly this.

Is it out of the question that the mother was confused, too?

Crazed females take on the economy!

Another slew of crazed, angry castrating women! Where do they all come from?

As per usual, the media writes them off as such -- despite their echoing what millions of Americans are thinking (A Bloomberg poll found that 75% of Americans believe that financial firms which received taxpayer money should cancel bonuses for their top execs).

But these women! What is this, a PMS convention? Let's talk about these angry women who woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Angry woman #1: Senator Clare McCaskill (D-Missouri)
Article: "Clare McCaskill lays down law"

Why she's clearly on the rag: McCaskill used some of her backhome Missouri toughness to introduce a surprise bill capping the bonuses of Wall Street executives receiving bailout money:

"They don't get it," McCaskill said on the floor. "These p eople are idiots. You can't use taxpayer money to pay out $18-billion in bonuses... What planet are these people on?"

Angry woman #2: Representative Marcy Kaptur (D-Ohio)
Article: "Congresswoman Kaptur is fighting mad!"
Why she's clearly on the rag: She doesn't want her constituents to be kicked out of their homes and

"She says the federal government is failing to help homeowners facing foreclosure while spending billions to bailout banks!"

Angry woman#3: As mentioned in my last post, NY Times' Maureen Dowd

Article: "Maureen Dowd Goes Buck Wild on Bankers"'
Why She's Clearly on the Rag: Again, put best by the Huffington Post,

"Dowd woke up with an insatiable appetite for the blood of Merrill Lynch redecoration buff John Thain, and has thus come down on "feckless financiers" like the Guns of Navarone!"

....And then there's the polite, tasteful reaction modeled by President Barack Obama, (who just happens to not be anatomically capable of being on the rag.)
Here's how his press secretary Robert Gibbs described his reactions to the $2 billion in exec bonuses dolled out at the end of 2008:

"I think many of you have covered him. I have seen him upset at times. He doesn't really get fired up upset. He is more like that disappointed parent, you know, that doesn't embarrass you in the mall, but you feel like you've let somebody down."

So the moral is: It doesn't matter that women were disproportionately steered to the subprime market due to gender discrimination. Or that in the condom soundbite war between Democrats and Republicans, low-income women are the real losers. These angry broads need to calm down, bask in Lily Ledbetter for a few more days, and get themselves a hot compress and some advil. In the meantime, father knows best.

Stuff that happened Thursday: It was a tough day to be a woman till Lily came along

Because of.....

1. Shameless exploitation. Looks like Wilhelmina Kids & Teens is the first of that inevitable scramble to exploit young black females who want to be Sasha and Malia. They've begun a casting call for girls who fit the type and who can help them manipulate youngsters into buying dresses, furniture, shoes, purses, and anything else propped next to a young Obama double. It can be tough, though, as CEO Marlene Wallach explains,

“It’s a very specific age and a very specific ethnicity, so there aren’t that many girls that would necessarily fit the bill.”

Must be really challenging.

2. Condescending PMS allusions. Huffington Post to Maureen Dowd: Down, Girl!
Rule one for a sexist reporter: When a columnist complains about obscene executive bonuses, and she's female, tell her to 'calm down.' Here's an excerpt from the Huffington Post article, entitled "Maureen Dowd goes Buck Wild on Bankers:"

"Whoa, nelly! The New York Times' Maureen Dowd woke up with an insatiable appetite for the blood of Merrill Lynch redecoration buff John Thain, and has thus come down on "feckless financiers" like the Guns of Navarone."

See my Spinspotter marker here. I guess it must be that time of the month for ol' Dowd. Maybe she's less threatening when she sticks to Carrie Bradshaw-esque subjects, rather than taking on potential NY Times sponsors.

Not that the Huffington Post offered a similar admonition to another NY Times article saying basically the same complaints.

3. And general creepiness. Calvin Klein Jeans: no, it's no longer 1981. Let's compare. Remember that raunchy 1981 Brooke Shields commercial for Calvin Klein jeans which caused such a stir? If not, here it is:

Calvin Klein is reviving their jeans television commercial campaign for the first time since then. And it is *rauncy.* Titillating, graphic sex fantasies cloaked under the guise of counter-culture. Blah blah blah.

Yes, I was having a time of it today. But then I saw an inspiring, long-awaited moment: The signing of the Lily Ledbetter bill. I can't put it any better than President Obama:

"Equal pay is by no means just a women's issue - it's a family issue. It's about parents who find themselves with less money for tuition or child care; couples who wind up with less to retire on; households where, when one breadwinner is paid less than she deserves, that's the difference between affording the mortgage - or not; between keeping the heat on, or paying the doctor's bills - or not. And in this economy, when so many folks are already working harder for less and struggling to get by, the last thing they can afford is losing part of each month's paycheck to simple discrimination."

You should really see the spontaneous bursts of applause, a beaming Nancy and Hillary (am I the only one who is positively endeared by a beaming Nancy and Hillary? Maybe.), and an utterly overwhelmed Lily Ledbetter for yourself.

Yes, some young intern is going to get fired (it took Obama four different pens to sign the bill because none of them had ink). But that Obama signed this bill into law within his first 9 days of office makes me really happy. And it cracks that glass ceiling, honors a woman's difficult journey for justice, and -- shall we dream? -- perhaps even beats a path to another Oscar-winning Julia Roberts portrayal.

stuff that happened wednesday -- blago aka ghandi, sexist ex-prez, and an embarrassed malia

1. Media shamelessly exploits psychotic governor. Here's a paraphrase of a typical exchange I would catch on a news channel:

Anchor: "Blowing off his own impeachment trial, Blagojevich is hitting up every talk show he can find. Is he crazy like a fox, or just crazy??........Next, an exclusive interview with the embattled governor!"

But you know? I think it's put best by the man himself. Here's a great montage of Blago's Allusions of Grandeur, courtesy of Commondreams.org:


2. George H. W. Bush makes a joke about an ugly femi-nazi and Bill Clinton is really, really uncomfortable.

He must have been insulted on behalf of Hillary. (Kidding! I just went into misogynist asshole comedian mode for a second to freak you out.)

3. Everyone knows about Malia Obama's crush on the Jonas Brothers. Everyone. Why? Because her dad -- also known as the world's most famous man -- made fun of it. To reporters. And the footage got out.

My mother used to embarrass me by calling me to the front of the grocery store through the PA system. I guess it was more fun than checking the aisles for the only girl wearing lime green, stirruped leggings and a matching top. But I'm happy to say it was nothing quite on this scale.
Still, Malia seemed pretty happy at the Kids' Inaugural Ball:

I feel like if I were she I would have held some defensive, counterproductive press conference denying any enjoyment of the Brothers Jonas (you know, like the Republicans did when Al Queda endorsed John McCain). But I'm just coy like that.

stuff that happened today

1. So Daniel Radcliffe, aka Harry Potter, emphatically invited the Obama girls to tour Hogwarts, where he will give them a 'personal tour.' He also refers to President Obama as “both Martin Luther King and JFK.” You know, because in addition to being President, Obama's black. (Was that not clear?)

I particularly love his enumeration:

"He is a symbol of progress which is what we dig about this country. What you love about England is all the old buildings and such. The traditions. I love that, too. But this is what we want from you.”

I think book eight is going to be called Harry Potter and the Court-Ordered Workshop in Racial Sensitivity.

2. The great 'contraceptives debate.' For the most part, the media is giving a free ride to Jay Boehner, Rush Limbaugh, and all the other male Republicans whose own children were delivered by stork. For example, this MSNBC article. See my Spinspotter marker here.

Jezebel, however, correctly notes that this so-called "condom free-for-all" merely streamlines the tedious application process poor women are forced to go through in order -- oh, wait, no one cares about them.

My personal favorite article: Redstate.com's headline: "Earmarks for Great Sex: The Obama-Reid-Pelosi Bill has It All!" (Below this article was also one entitled "Is It just Me, or is Sarah Palin the Only Republican Making Sense Now?").

3. Brandeis University is selling off its art collection in a desperate attempt to raise cash. Many of you know Brandeis as one of the most prominent traditionally Jewish colleges in the nation. I know it as the alma mater of two of the creators of the sitcom Friends.
As bad as I feel, I think it's safe to say that this is karmic justice for unleashing Joey on the world.

McDonalds to women: you can still stick your fingers down your throat -- just do it in our restaurant.

Good news for women: McDonalds is cutting the portions for you, so you can pay more money and still feel waifish on your date!

This recession. As if it weren't bad enough that I'm underemployed, now McDonald's is telling me that I should feel bad about stuffing my face with ultra-cheap food.

Granted, I hate fast food and haven't been in a McDonalds in a long time. But does anyone else feel that a fundamental American right -- the right to eat nutriotionless junk during a recession and not feel guilty -- is being eroded?

Come on -- we all know that 'Winnie' would not be caught dead in a McDonalds. She's probably smirking at you right now from some Pinkberry across the street and taking unflattering pictures on her Blackberry Storm.

Seriously. What a bitch.

my friends live better than i do in more expensive cities and other observations

Well, the sun didn't rise until about 7am, so I must be back in Seattle. Plus, I wasn't sleeping on a couch in some east coast living room. It's going to take some adjusting.

Observing my friends' glamorous Eastern Seaboard lives was endlessly fascinating. Some lived in apartments, some in row houses. And the Kashi always flowed freely. Let me try to break it down for you.


New York City
Cast of characters: My friend Daniel, his two endlessly accommodating roommates and their assorted upwardly mobile, bourgeois New York friends, some of whom work at Cravath and are disgustingly well-off.
Pros: New York is hard, but seeing a bunch of snotty 20-somethings master it so well was inspiring. Not to mention the incomparable people watching and fabulous brunches.
Cons: Cold so bitter it was like being repeatedly slapped in the face. Spending a terrifying amount of money.

Washington, DC
Cast of characters: Rebecca and her idealisic teacher roommates who live together, teach at the same school, and drink delicious tea in a cute, tea-cozy bundled teapot. Also Barack Obama.
Pros: Giant-ass Inauguration pilgrimages, great dive bars, exemplary Washington Monument.
Cons: Unsettling Queens-esque quality. Adjusting to the fact that my friend lives fabulously in a three-story row house, which is forcing me to realize that not all math teachers are sent from hell and also live there.



Philadelphia, PA
Cast of characters: Christina and her foot doctor roommates.
Pros: A very soft down comforter. Finally being within close proximity of my college without feeling guilty and tense.
Cons: Visiting friends at my old college and then feeling guilty and tense. Mostly due to my proximity to depressed, overworked, multi-syllabic Swatties.

So, while I surfed many a couch, I was hosted by wonderful people and given a guest towel at each destination. One cannot ask for more.

But I must admit that I am glad to be back in my own Seattle studio, where I can read the news, keep CNN fired up, and be hyper-connected to the stories of the day. Like the fact that the claw-her-way-to-the-top-ambitious New York Senator Kristen Gillibrand is known to her Congressional colleagues as "Tracy Flick."

I got home just in time.

dr. hussein-love or how i learned to stop worrying and love the obam (lessons i learned among the two million)

For many people, dreams of attending Inauguration were limited to that fanciful moment on Election Night. You know, when you saw those nearly a million jubilant people at Hyde Park, and Oprah leaning on some guy's shoulder and then somehow stretching it into, like, three subsequent episodes of her show. And you wanted to be at Inauguration -- before realizing it would cost tons of money and 3000 miles of travel and endless days of surfing the couches of people you haven't spoken to in years.

So you did the smart thing. You stayed in your progressive, safe, Pacific Northwestern city and watched Inauguration within proximity to a toilet and out of the proximity of angry Southern schoolteachers who acted like they freaking owned the National Mall (true story).

To all of you who decided to stay home and have your I-Day negotiated by a well-dressed Campbell Brown and increasingly trashed Diane Sawyer, I respect you. But I also pity you. Because Inauguration was awesome.

There is something about embarking on an unsafe, terrifying pilgrimage, about wearing two pairs of tights and fluffy socks, two pairs of scarves and four hand warmers and still feeling numb, about traveling 3000 miles and not knowing whether or not you will be turned away at the last minute and end up pathetically watching Inauguration on DC-area CNN -- impetuous youth! -- that makes it completely worth it when everything works out. Especially when it was all utter dumb luck, not to mention my mother's friend Monica kindly giving me her frequent flyer miles so I could make an aristocratic tour of the Eastern Seaboard.

Plus, you all know that I made a down payment on being the coolest grandmother ever. I mean, I was there. Years from now, I'll be the grandmother with Inauguration stories and campy "I heart Michelle" official Inauguration merchandise that I keep in a drawer and dangle in front of my children's children when I want more attention. And the other one will be baking cookies. It won't even be a contest. Derisive snort.

Lessons your mother never told you about the Mall:

1. Inauguration brings out the worst in everyone. Everyone. It doesn't matter if you are in a wheelchair or with a young child. You will be elbowed in the face if someone near you thinks it will allow them to see one more square inch of the Obama children's custom-made J Crew coats on the Jumbotron.

2. You don't have to worry about going to the bathroom if your system is frozen in shock.

3. Choosing an opening blessing is always a crap shoot. Sorry, Obama. None of us knew that in addition to being a homophobe, Rick Warren would enunciate your daughters' names with terrifying, savage clarity ("Ma-LI-a.....and SaSHHHHHa!") That I turned around for the blessing burns his words into my mind most particularly.

4. Where's Clinton? is possibly the most fun game ever. Was she going to come in with the senators? The cabinet? The former presidents? Who was she going to come in with?? It was a fun way to pass the time during the extended shots of Beyonce chatting it up on the Jumbotron. Ps -- the answer is on the arm of Bill Clinton, with extended vicarious "this could have all been mine.." glances around the stage.

5. Leaving places are far more terrifying than going places. Human nature really, really ran its course. You know how you take your time at a restaurant chatting and trying to find the cheapest house wine and filling up on bread, but you always manage to 'have to go to the bathroom' when the check arrives? It was kind of like that, because at the first line of poetry people were shoving their way out of the National Mall like it was a dine-and-dash convention.

Washington DC may have broken records for squeezing the most people ever onto on the National Mall and the metro, but they did it at the expense of figuring out how to get all those people out. They let us ticketless yahoos fend for ourselves. There was this whole "fuck you, we have a luncheon to get to!" imperiousness to it. Clearly no one on the Inauguration committee cared that 2 million people had no idea where they were and literally two exits from which to leave.

6. If that first dance did not melt your heart, you have no soul. My favorite moment of the evening: talking shop aka Inauguration at a local pub. The President and First Lady take the stage for their first dance at the neighborhood ball (this neighborhood, by the way, consists of Beyonce, Puff Daddy, Jay-Z, Alecia Keys, Shakira, Mariah Carey, and a fairly creepy hosting stint by Private Practice's Kate Walsh). And everybody stops, puts down their beers, and dreamily stared at the first couple. I loved that moment. The unembarrassed, vicarious pleasure we all took in what Michelle and Barack have.

Finally...

7. Just because you are sworn in as President, it does not mean that your evening won't end up some horrific version Groundhog Day. I did the tally: ten balls, one dress....and one increasingly Muzaq version of "At Last" by Etta James. Ten times. On a stage. With hundreds of people hooting and hollering and taping you on their camera phones. It was completely fucked up and degrading. I guess Inaugural balls now = mosh pits with hundreds of Iphones and Razrs capturing your every move.

So it was a great day. I was literally in the thick -- roughly between the reflecting pool and the National Monument, halfway up and halfway in. But it ended up not mattering whether I could see the Jumbotron with clarity. It was Obama's voice bouncing across mall, echoing between the Smithsonian Castle and Capitol building. During his speech, I turned around again -- not in protest, but to observe those around me. Hundreds of thousands of flags waving and running noses and handwarmers and tears. It was amazing to be a part of -- impossible to escape from, but amazing to be a part of.

And not to worry: I'll deconstruct how all my friends live better than I do in more expensive cities in a subsequent post.

ms eva went to washington and has more than buttons!

Sitting here in my friend's apartment, warmed by the glow of chattering CNN talking heads who will help me put my experiences today in proper prospective (I hate non-narrated real life. It's totally disorienting), I am far too physically distraught and high on Barack/Michelle's first dance to give a proper report.

So here's some pictures. Ps -- The blurry one is the terrifying, terrifying mosh-esque crowds leaving the L'Enfant metro station on the way to the National Mall.

gawker vs. the new york times: a confusing media bitchfight

It's the classic tension of old versus new. Oedipus kills his dad and sleeps with his Mom. I throw out the spaghetti sauce I never used so I can make more.

But when it's traditional print versus its bitchy younger sister, it can get weird. Especially when all they seem to do is accuse each other of being in the throes of bankruptcy. A few weeks ago, Gawker linked a few weeks ago to an article in Atlantic Monthly under the headline "What if The New York Times goes out of Business — Like, this May?"

Could it be?

Anything is possible ... but it might be helped along by fact that all Gawker and the New York Times do is accuse each other of being about to go out of business, as well as just plain sucking.

Here is the timeline as far as I can tell.

July 25th, 2007 -- Gawker publishes "New York Times' Second Quarter: Serious Trouble", saying:

"The second-quarter results from the New York Times Company just came out, and they're kind of grim. Operating profit decreased to $43.3 million—last year, same quarter, it was $86.2 million."

adding with trademark snark:

"Also, the company expects to spend between $170 and $190 million on the new headquarters this year. Maybe they can finally fix the elevators. Oh, we tease; the building sounds very nice. And expensive!"

January 13, 2008 -- "Has Gawker Jumped the Shark?" Wait -- Gawker is the one that totally sucks! Says the New York Times,

"'What do Gawker and Bittany Spaers have in common?' asked a commenter with the user name Nutgraf. 'They have both gone nuts.' [...] There are certainly signs that Gawker [...] is in the midst of a particularly intense period of turmoil, which has led to a slide in its once-hypnotic influence on the news media world."

September 10th, 2008 -- Gawker mocks New York Times Metro Editor Joe Sexton for his hopeful remarks re: the declining print media business, saying "Remember, his section is the one they're planning to consolidate with sports!"

October 3rd, 2008 -- Saul Hansell of The New York Times accuses Gawker of being within minutes of infinite doom. He reports that Gawker has cut 19 staff members, gloating that while it has "lean, hungry staffs that are very focused on attracting an audience," he does take the cutbacks as an important indicator of trouble.

November 20th, 2008 -- Gawker publishes the article "New York Times Earnings News is Nothing but Bad News":

"How bad is it? Very bad. How long can the company last before calling bankruptcy if things keep going like this? We're putting the question to you."

The article then clarifies (as though clarification is needed) that the Times just

"needs to conserve all the cash it can get. But it's pretty apocalyptic for its stock, because it just makes it that much more unattractive to investors."

And now Gawker claims that the New York Times will be bankrupt by summer.

So there you have it. Two media organizations, each claiming the other is about to lose all its money. Can any good come from this kind of fight? Maybe not, but one of them will have the last laugh.

10 overheard remarks that make you certain that the people sitting next to you are toolish nyu undergrads

Note: these sins of public representation are particularly egregious because these tools actually think they are smart. Actually, it kind of reminds me of Orientation Week at Swarthmore.

On international relations: "This guy in my class is from Mumbai and his parents were killed right in front of him! Isn't that horrible?"

On interpretation theory: The great thing about New York is that you have the opportunity to reinvent ... everything."

On finance: "I've already spent, like, half the money my parents gave me and it's only the first week of the semester!"

On finance: "You could sell your clothes at the Buff." (They can't be bothered to say Buffalo Exchange).

On finance: "Oh, *no.* That. Would. Suck."

On contrived tangents: "I speak three languages."

On romance: "So, who are you into?"

On romance: "We made out, but it's not like we're dating or anything."

On romance: "He's the cutest guy in the dorm, though."

On perspective: "I just want college to be over so I can get on with the rest of my life!"

NYU, ladies and gentlemen. I would tell you to patronize Greenwich Village coffee shops at your own risk, but while I'm in New York I am perfectly content to drink the Kool-aid and confirm that these 18-year-olds are every bit as important as they think they are.

how to survive new york (advice from someone who kind of gave up)

So here I am again. From the moment I saw all the fash black clothing on the airplane, I knew those chain-smokers were New York bound.

One of the hardest moments for me – besides screwing myself over and plagiarizing myself in college (long story) was when I decided to ‘move home.' This was rough for two reasons. One, the obvious stigma of moving within a 100 mile radius of anywhere that is familiar or comfortable and two, the obvious stigma of leaving New York after only a year.

I vow to return to New York – but only when I can live there with dignity. Unfortunately, that may take awhile. So here are some tips for people who actually live there and want to carry the torch of living shamelessly frugal lifestyle.

Note: All of the strategies below were employed by yours truly while living in New York.

1. Never get sucked into making life at all easy for yourself, because it’s addictive. This means do not *ever* take cabs. I don’t care if it’s pouring rain. I don’t care if you’re in a dangerous neighborhood. Just walk around in the dark with your expensive phone until you find that subway. Maybe I’m biased because I threw up in a cab once and have been too embarrassed to take one ever since. But it has saved me lots of money.

2. If you are going out drinking, just dump a out a bottle of vitamin water and mix some cranberry juice, pineapple juice and rum for a cheap bay breeze. Then cram it inside your purse. You just saved yourself five bucks!

3. Buy everything on Craigslist. Everything. And if you can’t find it on Craigslist, just don’t buy it. I may have had three giant windows that made my bedroom highly visible from the street, but I wasn’t about to buy curtains if I couldn’t find it on Craigslist. After awhile, you get used to the shameless exhibitionism.

4. If you lose the key to your apartment building and it costs more than $30 to replace, don’t replace it. Just wait outside until someone in your building walks in or out. If you get desperate, you can always ring your neighbors’ doorbells till someone lets you in.

5. Remember, sitting at home alone with the lights off is way less expensive than a night on the town – and saves electricity, too!

And finally….

6. Don’t make any classy, magnanimous gestures toward your friends on their birthdays. I mean, it happens every year. They can wait till you have a shred of dignity.

mrs eva goes to washington

I'm not going to disclose where I'm going, but the buttons say it all. Wish me luck and a view that's at least on par with staying home and watching CNN.

hilary rodham clinton is gonna make it after all

(photo courtesy of Senior Editorial Image Correspondent Adam M.)

At the gym this morning I saw that the eye of many a stationary biker was glued to CNN for the Secretary of State Nomination hearings. Why is this relevant? It isn't. But it shows that I exercise early in the morning, which is impressive.

If you missed the hearing, though, you shouldn't feel bad. Here's the run-down:
Senator Kerry expresses how honored he is to be chair of the Foreign Relations Committee and somehow manages to slip in that he was once a Fulbright Scholar.
Senator Kerry congratulates Senator Lugan for being a ranking member of the Foreign Relations Committee.
Senator Lugan congratulates Senator Kerry for being chair of the Foreign Relations Committee.
Senator Kerry introduces Senator Christopher Dodd.
Senator Dodd congratulates Senator Kerry for being chair of the Foreign Relations Committee.

(A half-hour passes. Clinton smiles, blinks, nods politely, types particularly good points on her invisible typewriter).

-Senator Kerry expresses his happiness at seeing Chelsea Clinton and suggests that she becomes 'intern for a day.' That didn't come out right. Chelsea looks exceedingly uncomfortable. She really is the best daughter ever.

-Barbara Boxer passes around giant blown-up photos of horribly maimed children.

-Hilary and Lisa Murkowski (Republican from Alaska) have a contest to see who can say 'Arctic' more. Here's a segment:

Murkowski:

"Our role as an Arctic nation, and I know oftentimes my colleagues don't view the United States as an Arctic nation, but we are by virtue of Alaska [...]"
"We've been working with them for -- for about the past 18 months to advance a new Arctic policy. Our Arctic policy is about 15 years stale [...]"
"But I'd like your comments here this morning on the evolving role of the Arctic, on the role that we can play as an Arctic nation in dealing with our neighbors."

Snap! But wait -- out comes Clinton with the big guns:

"When we were in Alaska and saw for ourselves some of the changes that are going on in the Arctic" [...]
"People haven't kept up with what is going on in the Arctic" [...]
"We know that there will be disputes over energy resources and minerals and other natural resources in the Arctic."
"To go along with that, I -- I know that hand in hand with concerns about the Arctic [..]"
"That you're going to face in Alaska if we don't have a national Arctic policy that also includes what our international position is on the oceans, and I think..."
"So, for all of those reasons -- and I mention it in conjunction with the Arctic because I think they go hand in hand."

The 'Arctics' have it. I think Clinton is ready for the job!

Also: Does anyone else think that Obama winced when Clinton referred to 'our African friends?'

the beats of the weekend

3. How could SNL miss such an easy target? There are so many Maddow-esque things that make Rachel Maddow Rachel Maddow. The crooked smile, the sarcastic paraphrasing, and the amazed 'are you for fucking real?' laugh she reserves special for her conservative guests. So why did SNL only focus on the fact that she's gay? (To be fair, they got the crooked smile down.) The skit just featured an ultra-coifed 'Blagojevich' making violent homophobic references. And is it just me, but is this whole meta NBC promotional thing going a little too far? A comment on the Huffington Post story made an excellent point:

"This is pathetic. NBC is using SNL 'spoofs' just as a way to promote their shows. In just a few weeks, they've done Olbermann, Maddow and Today show. I didn't think the ones last night were very funny, mainly because I never saw those shows and didn't 'get it.'"

I think that running 30 Rock and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip simultaneously on NBC keeps them squarely in 'overkill' territory.

2. Obama totally ate some chili. The New York Times reports that

"The President-elect took up the offer to drop in for a bite, but declined the offer to eat on the house; he paid for his and the mayor’s food with a $20 bill and told the cashier to keep the change."

To me that seems to be one notch up from telling your pizza delivery guy to "brush regularly," but I'm just an angry former-food service employee.

and finally,

1. The New York Times dismisses ultra-white supremacist tendencies as "racial tension." Of the current competition over who will run the RNC (two candidates are black), the New York Times acknowledges that

"Racial strains have emerged in the contest. Katon Dawson, the South Carolina Republican chairman, quit his membership in an all-white country club soon before he joined the race. And another candidate, Chip Saltsman, the Tennessee party chairman, was roundly criticized for distributing a holiday CD to party members that included a parody song called 'Barack the Magic Negro.'"

Two blacks? Two racists? Uh oh!(Plays theme from 'The Odd Couple.')

am i being paranoid

...or is the economy not doing so well?
I saw this sign today in downtown Seattle:

Poor Cold Stone. I'm going to assume they weren't going for bitter, bitter sarcasm.

The requisite Gossip Girl Post

From The OC to Gossip Girl, I love a good Josh Schwartz drama.  Everyone either is each other's long-lost step blood brother or is dating one.  The parents of the 'main couple' always had former romantic entanglements.  And best of all, there's always a brunette best friend who is rather sassy.  That detail is key.

And I think that the savvy viewer can strike a few analogies.  Not that I’ve been thinking hard about this or anything:

The OC	Gossip Girl
bitchy brunette best friend
Sought-after blonde with zero personality
Nerd who always ‘gets  some’ and is clearly some unrequited fantasy universe for Josh Schwartz
Dad from the ‘wrong side of the tracks’ with unfortunate first name (Sandy and Rufus, respectively)
Blonde mother who I could swear is the same actress but actually isn’t

There are some notable differences, though.  For one thing, we all know that if the cast of the OC met the cast of Gossip Girl, Gossip Girl would turn their nose up at the Newport Beach crowd (new money, y’know?)

Also unlike the OC, no one on Gossip Girl is really funny or likable.  Unlike his OC equivalent Seth, Dan Humphrey is way too square to coin the term 'Chrismakah.’ And remember when the cast of the OC would watch The Valley, which was a hilarious, melodramatic satire of the OC itself?

Gossip Girl (especially its creepy narrator) utterly lacks this sense of humor.  In fact, the closest resemblance to a joke I could find on last week’s Gossip Girl was this comment by Blair: “Chuck’s body odor could have given a contact high to half of Manhattan!” Ummm…zing?

Gossip Girl’s attempt at class warfare is also kind of amusing.  We all know that the OC’s Ryan is from “Chino,” but to equate that with the Humphreys running an art gallery and living in a spacious loft in Brooklyn?  I don’t think so.  Any New Yorker knows that the Humphreys wouldn’t be caught dead east of Prospect Heights. 

So, while I love Gossip Girl, I will always be a die-hard fan of the angsty-but-edgy OC.  Maybe it’s the Chrismakkah.  Maybe it’s the leitmotif “You know how Kiki gets!” (This was in reference to Kirsten, aka Blonde Mother #1). 

Or maybe it was just that, at the end of the day, Gossip Girl is going to have to do a lot to recover from this obvious and poorly written expository paragraph.  This is what Jenny Humphrey said when her friend asked her if she was ready to return to her exclusive Upper East Side school:

“Please!  I faced down Eleanor Waldorf, hijacked a a society gala, had my entire collection torched by a crazy model and was basically homeless..I think I can handle high school!”

Don’t be afraid, dear reader. That’s just what happens in the world of Josh Schwartz. 

"of kipling and lynching"

That was one of the many alliterative turns of phrase the news anchors dreamed up as they were waiting for Blagojevich to take the stage for Zany News Conference Part 3. More on that later. First, we have to honor the world's bravest and strangest man. Anyone ever heard of a little state representative named Milton Patterson? He was the lone holdout in the Illinois House of Representatives' 114-1 vote to impeach Governor Rod Blagojevich. Maybe he just really, really wanted to be portrayed in the almost inevitable movie. I'm thinking Alec Baldwin for Blagojevich?















Telejournalists buy popcorn, talk during the previews. When it comes to Blagojevich, the media has kind of given up on having any semblance of gravitas dignity. Unfortunately for viewers, this meant having to listen to the inane chatter of news anchors as they waited for Blago to take the stage for his news conference, which slowly morphed into intensely unprofessional leading questions. My favorite moments were:
-Their ability to report on the 'media circus' with an apparent lack of irony
-The multiple jokes they cracked about how Blagojevich was "probably brushing his hair"
-And the following exchange: Anchor 1: "So, do you think Blagojevich is going to gloat about Burris?" Anchor 2: "I certainly do!" It was roughly one notch down from the standards of journalism used on, say, Best Week Ever.

And then Blago himself, aka Hands Across America. You know those that act at the circus where, like, 20 clowns come out of a tiny car? That was today's press conference. Blagojevich kept the media waiting for about 15 minutes. (It was unclear whether or not the multiple 'two-minute' warnings were accidental or just another one of his freaky mind games.) Then, out comes a man in a wheelchair, followed by a stream of people who were a healthy and uncannily mixed assortment of ages, colors and 'dourness.' A picture of Blago pointing at them, courtesy of my special Editorial Image Correspondent Adam M., will be added shortly -- as they changed it on the New York Times website.
1/10/08 Update: Here it is! I had actually saved it to my computer before the New York Times realized how creepy it was:
Adam put it best: "There was an old dying man in a wheelchair, a couple of random, hapless women looking like, 'What the fuck am I doing here?' and a black child lying flat on his back on the floor."

Also, Blagojevich = worst English major ever. Just skip to 8:40 and you'll see what I'm talking about.
In my Romantic Poetry class in college, we studied Tennyson, Byron, Keats, (Mary) Shelly and all the others. That was back when I wanted to be an English Professor – before I realized that that what I thought was intellectual curiosity was actually a self-loathing desperation for accolades. But even then, at the height of my fresh-faced academia -- even then, I knew that there wasn't an *actual* point to the class beyond its potential to make me sound semi-cool at some future cocktail party.

What Blagojevich fails to understand is that these classes aren't meant to give you knowledge that can be imparted at a press conference. They at best prepare you for a thankless career in academics, at worst lay the foundation for being able to attend bitchy, superficial bookclubs and hold your own.

Though I did like the alliteration and leit-motif of 'pushing and prodding.' You were in that class, too, right, Adam? Ah, happy, happy boughs....