The Golden Globes aka the mother teresa of awards ceremonies

In 2004, celebrities got a lot of flack for celebrating the Oscars the weekend we invaded Iraq.  Apparently,  it's considered "selfish" during a humanitarian crisis to ignore it and put $4 million worth of diamonds around your neck.  It's one of those decorum things, like using the correct fork at a meal.

Despite being totally in the right, the celebrities wanted the Golden Globes not to be sullied by words like "travesty," and "have you no shame?"

And so, early in the ceremony, America learned that everything was going to be okay with Haiti.  Because the celebrities were going to save it with their ribbons.

First, Nicole Kidman tearfully acknowledged the "real" point of the Golden Globes -- Haiti, was that not clear? -- and cited "George" for his philanthropy, best demonstrated by his presence at the Golden Globes.  George looked down and blinked back embarrassed tears.

The elders of the celebrity community reminded everyone to keep their chins up in this time of crisis.  During her long acceptance speech -- as we all know, starting "wrap up" music during a Streep Speech is punishable by death -- Meryl Streep told a deeply personal story about her struggles to make sense of the problems of the world.  But the moral was a happy one -- which is that at the end of the day, you just shouldn't get too bummed about Haiti.

Sometimes, the contribution of the ribbon was disrupted by news of a celebrity who actually took the time to attend a charity event.  This prompted celebrities to remind everyone of the power of the ribbons.  For example, when Alec Baldwin was unable to accept his award, Maggie Gyllanhal stumbled onstage and weepingly told us to "in the midst of all this, remember Haiti."  It was thoughtful of Maggie re-focus attention away from the crude money-raising and back toward the ribbons.

So next time someone asks you whether celebrities have any shame, ignore them.  Clearly, they did not see the ribbons.