Google buzz: what if your stalker also read your diary?

It started out with buzz.  Oh, there was buzz.  About what? I didn’t know.  I waited as long as I could before clicking on the shiny new icon in my Gmail.  But unlike #PalinHand, this was one trending topic I couldn’t ignore.

And so, I entered Buzz.  Welcome to Google Buzz! Thanks -- what are you?

The first thing Buzz did was tantalize me with the surprising information that – although I hadn’t yet signed in – I was already following 26 people. 

Okay. So it’s kind of like Twitter.  If Twitter were, like, the annoying friend who “assumed” you wanted $100 tickets to Xanadu for your birthday. 

So Buzz went ahead and made me a participant in its weird new thing without clearing it first.  What are you gonna do, right?

Besides, I already had seven followers of my own, who were eagerly reading my first official Buzz status update.  The one I didn’t technically write in Buzz.

Wait!  Said Buzz.  Before you actually look at this thing you’re already doing, you have to fill out a profile.  You have to! 

Fine.

So I went to the ‘Profile’ section, where Buzz had (very kindly) not only filled in my whole name, but checked the box allowing everyone to see the full list of the 26 people I had already started following. 

A little presumptuous, Buzz.  But I did want to get on because it really did seem buzzworthy….

Besides, I didn’t want to disappoint my Followers.

But wait!  said Buzz.   Did I want to link to my web album? Did I want to link to Google Reader?  Did I want to link to my angsty high school Livejournal I’d forgotten about but apparently still exists?

Now I was starting to get a little nervous, because I really didn’t remember having a “Google Picasa Album.” 

But you do! See?  We have a copy of every profile picture you’ve ever uploaded!  Even that really ugly one you had up for, like, a second! 

…..With the chins?

Of course with the chins!  It’s all here, silly! 

Now don’t you want to share it with everyone?

I then started to realize that Buzz wasn’t so much the friend who bought you things you didn’t want as much as it was the friend who stalked you and read your diary. 

Then I did something that made Buzz mad. I returned to my profile (this was after I triple-checked that my emo Livejournal was still ‘private’) and unchecked my last name. 

Bad move!  Said Buzz.  If you don’t include your full name, your profile won’t show up on public search!

I don’t care.

But don’t you “want people to find the real you?”

I dunno, Buzz.  Why don’t you tell me? 

So while I haven’t completely made of my mind (it does seem buzzworthy, after all….), I’m thinking about getting a restraining order on my new best friend, Buzz.
   

Just as soon as I’ve found a way to break it to my Followers.