Julie & Julia & Jane Austen

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Jane Austen is freaking everywhere.

BBC is currently airing a mini-series of her novel Emma, and Natalie Portman is producing a film version of the cult hit Pride and Prejudice and Vampires.

That is not to say that I'm not a Janeite myself.  I mean, those Jane Austen moleskin notebooks? How could you buy one of those and not write the great American novel?

But addictions never stop at the purchase of a useless tiny journal.  Before you know it, you wake up with a splitting headache after a night of doing lines in the bathroom.  And by lines, I of course mean "You write uncommonly fast, Mr. Darcy!"

My point is this: you can't fight Jane Austen.  She will use her powers of sense, sensibility and persuasion to undermine any argument you make.  Then she'll drive you to Northanger Abbey and kick your ass.

The only option is to join her.  That being said, here are some projects just waiting to be made:

Ghostwriter and Jane Austen
A group of Brooklyn teenagers solve crimes with the help of an invisible ghost.  They are horrified to discover that the invisible ghost is Jane Austen.

Accidentally on Jane Austen

When Jane Austen gets pregnant by a young bartender, her life turns upside down.  And let's just say things get wacky!

Valentines Day and Jane Austen
35 of Hollywood's biggest names assemble for the world's worst movie.  One of these stars is Jane Austen.

Julie & Julia and Jane Austen

Just when Julie's blog starts to get traffic, her readers are stolen by a cooler, wittier blog written by Jane Austen.


He's Just Not That Into Jane Austen
Jane Austen, played by Ginnifer Goodwin, whines about men for 4 hours in a stunning Baltimore loft.


Love Happens to Jane Austen
Jane Austen finds love when she never thought she could. Did I mention that Jane Austen is a florist named Eloise?


Harry Potter & Jane Austen
Things are pretty much the same except that in this version, Ron Weesley is frequently described as being "handsome, clever and rich." 

Jane Austen Apprentice
Jane Austen shouts at a bunch of has-been celebrities and has a combover.  


Jane Austen Mayer
Jane Austen makes some rather "colorful" remarks to Playboy about her white supremacist genitalia. 


Hannah Jane Austen Montana

As it turns out, Miley Cyrus is actually Jane Austen.

None of these ideas may work.  But if my Jane Austen moleskin notebook can't turn one of these into a hit, I'm sure my Jane Austen PC can. 

Or maybe I just really want there to be a version of Julie & Julia where Julie is eaten by a vampire.